Early in my career as a strategy consultant, I thought I had to be the smartest person in the room. Like many starting out in the profession, I thought my value came from knowing everything, having the answers, being right.
After all, I was advising CEOs, coaching senior leaders, helping drive high-stakes decisions.
Being right felt like a job requirement.
Until I started hitting brick walls.
I was disturbed that I seemed unable to build longer-term relationships in a field like consulting where everything is about deep, meaningful relationships and not a series of transactions. And my most important long-term relationship in my personal life – my husband – hit a rocky patch.
When I finally sought out help from a series of coaches, took several self-improvement courses and then ultimately became a Vistage Chair I was forced to confront the truth: Being right isn’t the goal.
Being real, being present, being open – that’s where true influence lives. That’s where trust is built.
Being “the guy who always knows” can be isolating. It can make people feel small, or defensive, or unseen. A real danger zone when you’re working so closely with clients.
And it can rob you of the chance to grow, to connect, to be surprised.
These days…
- I’d rather ask a great question than offer a perfect answer.
- I’d rather be wrong and keep the conversation going than be right and shut it down.
- I’m much more interested in being approachable than being right.
It’s a shift that has changed everything about how I coach, how I lead, and how I show up – especially when the path forward isn’t clear.
It was especially tested this past year, after a serious bacterial infection led to surgery and a long recovery. I had to rely on others. I had to not know. I had to listen more deeply.
I had to give up control!
What I once saw as weakness, I now see as wisdom.
This is what I train other coaches and facilitators to model in their own work:
- How to stay grounded when you don’t know
- How to communicate with empathy instead of ego
- How to build trust in the unknown
If you’re navigating big transitions or leading others through change, let me offer this: You don’t need to know everything. You need to handle what you don’t know with presence, grace, and courage.
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